I had broken up with my boyfriend of 7 and a half years. It was my idea to break it off. I loved him deeply; but needed more than what he could give me. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did. I remember feeling that if it were meant to be; we would get back together.
Momentarily I felt good about myself. I was optimistic about my future, and believed great things were ahead. I was attending the Mosque “The Nation of Islam” regularly. My faith was growing more and more with each passing engagement. I believed I found what I wanted, and that God was going to bless me for serving him.
You couldn’t tell me different. After a year of going consistently, I met what would be my future husband. He seemed like he
I let go of wondering if my boyfriend and I would get back together. Besides, I wanted to get married and have a father for my son from a previous relationship.
He wasn’t ready to be a father to my son that I had from a previous relationship.
He seemed to be drifting; although he was in college. He was taking a long time finishing school. He didn’t seem clear on what he wanted. After 8 years of being together I asked him what we were doing. I wanted to get married. I felt that we were together long enough for my boyfriend to know if he wanted to marry me.
I was 26 years old at the time. I gave Steve an ultimatum. I told him to step up or I was leaving.
I wasn’t in college. I was just working a 9 to 5 job.
Moreover; I was heavily immersing myself in going to the Mosque, and trying to serve God. I truly believed I found what I was looking for in the Nation of Islam. I needed something more that my relationship couldn’t give me. I knew that more existed in the world. I just had to give myself a chance. Looking back on past relationships; I realized I had come a long way since the days of pain and suffering. I’m no longer afflicted with the drama of the past. I now have the understanding of life and how things work. I’m finally living a very peaceful, drama-free life.
Prior to knowing how life worked, I was a mess! I had a lot of knowledge; but needed understanding of how to love me. I didn’t trust myself and doubted what I knew. From time to time, I received confirmations on my self-drawn conclusions. I was receiving messages on how to proceed in my life. They came from the Metaphysical books I read; or books on spirituality. Outside of my books; my life dramas were still foggy to say the least.
I was still trying to figure things out. It was hard accepting the fact that I married an abusive man, that he was abusive to my son, and that prayer couldn’t fix my dilemma. I just needed to accept what it was. Easier said than done; for I thought God would punish me for walking away from my marriage.
Prayer only works when things are right for you. I was severely confused. Without any experiential reference points to go on; i lacked understanding. I was learning life like everyone else. You know how it is; it’s a learn as you go process. I also was very hard-headed. Every time the thought would come to leave my marriage–I doubted my own intuition.
I was missing the whole point. I had the wrong focus. My focus was on him, and trying to pray him into a better person. I had no clue that I attracted the relationship; because of how I saw myself. “The relationship you have with yourself, is the one you have with everyone.” I thought I loved myself, but realized I didn’t love me enough.
I was tested with the same dilemma in my marriage, that I left in a previous relationship. The dilemma of choosing myself, unworthiness, and lack of boundaries. Nothing changed; for I faced it all over again.
I failed the test because I didn’t recognize the pattern. The problem was that it was hidden in my subconscious programming. There were antecedent unconscious, toxic programs that were running behind the scene. It’s the reason why it was so difficult to quell. These unconscious beliefs were ruining my life. They were causing me to reflect their equivalent correlates in my relationships.
I ended up attracting exactly what I didn’t want in my last relationship. It was a similar dynamic, although I was faced with again. I didn’t see my value, and felt unworthy to choose me. There were lessons I needed to learn before I was able to move on. Until those lessons were learned; I was imprisoned within myself.
Spirit was trying to bring it to my attention. Bring it to my awareness. It wanted me to look at them so that I could make corrections. The truth was I brought the same kinds of beliefs about myself into my marriage.
There were It was hard for me to accept things as they were. I really thought I could fix things on my own. The harder I tried the worse it got. For 19 years I tried to wish, pray and force things to be better in my marriage.
Ironically; I wasn’t even in love with my x-husband–but I wanted to be. When we got together I already had an 8 year old son. He had no children yet. To make a long story short: After marrying him he became abusive to my son. Five months into the marriage I was pregnant with our first child. A baby girl. Six months after giving birth to her I was pregnant again. he was ab but I was conditioned stay in a love less marriage. I learned it well from watching my parents. They were married 32 years, but were unhappily married. It sent a message to me that you should stay no matter what. Stay even if you weren’t happy.
After all; where does a child learn how to be and act from? They learn how to “be” from their parents. My parents said they stayed because of their children. They were definitely committed to dysfunction and toxicity.
They weren’t even happy with each other. Dad often left for days at a time galavanting around with his side pieces. Mom wasn’t innocent either; she had her extra marital flings as well. All the while this is what I learned growing up. The message was loud and clear: Stay no matter what, even if you’re not happy.
Adding to the crazy of the latter perspective; it caused me to do the same. I stayed in an unhealthy relationship for 19 years. I never chose me, I was self-sacrificing and aloof to my own needs.
“My people are destroyed for the lack of knowledge” Hosea 4:6
It’s lack of knowledge that ruins our lives. You can always tell the areas in which we have knowledge—for its reflected in our lives. Just like you can always tell the areas we lack knowledge—for it also is reflected in our lives.
The greatest of all knowledge is; “the knowledge of self.”
When we don’t know ourselves, we suffer. “Knowledge is Power,” was coined by Francis Bacon in 1597.
It was further added on to by Napoleon Hill.
Napoleon Hill said: “Knowledge is only potential power. It becomes power only when, and if, it is organized into definite plans of action, and directed to a definite end.”
This takes it a step further. It gives the knowledge a purpose. It tells it where to go. If you don’t have an organized plan of action; your knowledge is null and void. I’m glad that Hill saw the need to add an addition to this age-old adage. It definitely graduated it to a higher level. Hill understood, that knowledge without action, got you nowhere.
In the past the places I came up short in were—the “definite aim” aspect. I took action on my plans, in regards to trying to be an entrepreneur. However; I needed a definite plan, that needed to be organized. I realized I could only get there with extreme clarity. All this was good information; but it was still incomplete. There were pieces to the knowledge piece that needed to come together.
There were deep intricacies that weren’t mentioned about knowledge I learned. Like the “right knowledge.” Which is the “knowledge of self.” Knowledge that doesn’t concern us; doesn’t keep us seeking it. I’d add this to the acquisition of knowledge piece.
Back to the part on “self-knowledge.” The right knowledge will educate us about ourselves. The right knowledge will highlight and draw out our capabilities.
Education: Its root origin needs to be looked at here. Educare and Educere; 2 latin root words to consider.
Educare-To train or to mold.
Educere-To lead out.
Building upon these two words—The right education, the right knowledge will:
-Lead out of you
-draw out of you what’s there.
When you have knowledge of self; you know how to apply these directives. As you gain knowledge of who you are; while understanding the plan, and organizing it—you will have power. The plan comes when you have “knowledge of self.” As such; you will live a fulfilled and purpose driven life.
Which brings to mind another Biblical scripture:
“Wisdom is the principal thing, therefore get wisdom and with all thy getting get understanding. Proverbs 4:7
With the understanding of who you are, while learning the true meaning of your past life dynamics—now you have something to work with. Now this is where; and when you will have true wisdom.
Mathew 11:19 “But wisdom is known by its children.”
Breaking it down into laymen terms: What you produce comes from wisdom. When you have wisdom; what you produce is a product (children) of that wisdom.
Essentially; if knowledge is the acquisition of facts, information, and skills acquired through experience and education—we are equipped with all that we need. We just have to know how it all ties in with our purpose. We have to know how to organize all that we’ve acquired.
What can we learn from our past and our experiences? What does it all reveal about what our purpose is? What passions, and desires has it promoted in us? What’s it all trying to tell us?
As we organize the information gathered in the latter—we will have power! No longer will we be destroyed for lack of knowledge.
Clues and hints; are hidden in the very definition of the word knowledge.
Having the facts, skills, experience and information we’ve gathered throughout our lives—It needs to be organized. Having “knowledge of self” is the organization of these skills. It draws the parallels and connections between everything we’ve experienced.
There’s value in our experiences. Contained within the experiences of our lives are valuable information. Information about; “who we are,” what we came in the world to do,” and our divine purpose. It’s why we must study our past. We must realize the story that’s been unfolding all along. Knowing what to do with this information organizes it. It gives it direction, and a definite chief aim.
Thank you for reading these words. Peace & Blessings
For more information see my YouTube video https://youtu.be/K4UtNXHLP2Y on “Clarifying your Purpose.”
FOR FREE COACHING EMAIL ME AT Sheriehollis@courtingtheblisslife.com
For years I was plagued with anxiety. I was stuck and couldn’t get out from under it. I prayed, and worked hard to quell it–but to no avail. I felt as if there was no hope in getting rid of it. It was a constant companion in my life.
I felt anxiety from my head to my toes. It was very painful and emotionally distressing. There were fears and stuck emotions that were repressed. What made it hard was that these conditions were operating on a subconscious level. I wasn’t really aware of what was causing them.
What I did know; was that I was working a full-time job and trying to transition out of it. I wanted to be my own boss and own my own time. The problem was I was forcing it. I was trying too hard. I learned from the major slogans that were programmed into the masses. You know–the slogans: “Work harder,” “Push yourself” and “force things.” They tell you that if you don’t succeed in your endeavors; it’s because you don’t want it bad enough.
I believed them and it was driving me crazy! I thought something was wrong with me when I tried without success. I don’t believe they were intentionally trying to mislead people; they were just following an outdated paradigm. The model of pushing and forcing things, just doesn’t work. It pushes you further and further into a black hole. It causes more resistance, stress and anxiety. The latter way will kill you!
It only confused me further when I tried to follow the advice of those in leadership positions. You know preachers, motivational speakers and coaches; even the people around you. It was not the way to go. It was a lie. It consequently was the culture, of how we were trained in society.
There were secrets about manifesting that they were holding back on. They were leaving out crucial steps to getting what you want. No wonder why I was messed up! My misunderstanding was the root cause of my anxiety. I adopted perspectives; of pushing and forcing that were working against me.
I didn’t know how to “allow” what I wanted. I just wasn’t a match for getting what I wanted. My anxiety was indicative of this fact. Like I mentioned: I wanted to be my own boss, own my own time–and be free to live life on my terms. There was something I wasn’t understanding though. I didn’t know how to get what I wanted in the midst of disfavorable circumstances. My focus was in the wrong place. I was focused on what I didn’t like or want regarding my dilemma.
I really hated working for people. I wanted to get out of the “Rat Race.” Along with it all; I was unhappily married. However; I felt guilty about walking away from my marriage. That’s a whole other story. I mention this aspect because it was relevant to my condition. Consequently; that was the climate that contributed to my anxiety and stress.
I wanted to spend my life helping people overcome their limitations and manifest what they wanted. It was my passion and still is my passion. I lived slept, and breathed that intention. It was all I thought about; was owning my own business doing what I loved. I was obsessed with writing and learning about metaphysical concepts. I wanted to turn my passion into a business.
I was also a writer and had written all my life. I always wrote my thoughts down. I kept daily journals all my life; about my life accounts. What I learned; or was going through was written down in my journals. As I helped my friends and family with their issues; I realized I had the gift of prophesy.
I could easily see where they were in their lives and determine what they needed to do. I knew how to help them heal. I would go into their minds and help them work through their adversities. They were amazed at my precision, insight, and depth of knowledge. They would tell me that I had a gift. To be honest as I helped them; I was helping myself. It in turn; gave me insight into my own issues. It raised my awareness of where I was stuck too.
I understood the meaning of biblical scriptures way before I learned their meanings. Especially regarding the human spirit and its plight. It’s what made me effective in helping my friends and family work through their problems. Honestly; I didn’t know I had a gift initially. As well as a knack for writing, coaching and speaking. I was just passionate about it. As my passions grew inside of me; so did my anxiety and stress.
I felt overwhelmed, and tremendous pressure to perform. I wanted a better life for myself and my children. I had illusions of grandeur. I knew the life I wanted, but just couldn’t seem to get to it. All the while; information was coming to me so quickly that I couldn’t keep up with it. Ideas, thought and metaphysical concepts downloaded to me daily. My enthusiasm and zeal for life was fueled by the metaphysical books I read. I couldn’t get enough of them. I overindulged on all kinds of metaphysical books.
I had an insatiable desire to learn, to know and to grow. This brought my anxiety to an all time high. It brought it to a head. The more I wanted my life to improve, the greater my anxiety became. I refused to take anything for my anxiety. I didn’t believe in drugs. I preferred natural alternatives. The herbal supplements I took were only a temporary relief. Shortly after taking herbs like Valerian Root, Camomille, Kava Kava etc. the anxiety returned.
I wanted to build a business, but was stressed out about my living environment. You know; about being unhappily married and at a job I hated. I was trying to take care of my 3 children, most times working 2 jobs. A fulltime and part time job. 50 hour work weeks and still trying to fit in my personal goals. At night I worked on my business and writing career. All in the midst of trying to uphold my household and family obligations.
It was almost impossible. Something had to give! It ended up being my goals that were compromised. There just wasn’t enough hours in a day to do it all. I was disciplined and kept my home life together. I didn’t waiver there, but my life goals were on the back burner. Those were the intricacies of my inherent anxiety. My responses to not having or living the life I wanted–caused me tremendous stress and anxiety.
I had a lot of resistance in my mind, my body and my soul. There was no alignment, or congruency. It was killing me! I experienced extreme pain and stress from my head to my toes. All the while I was living a healthy lifestyle. I exercised regularly, ate right and fasted for multiple days a month with no food. It was my normal way of life. One in which I never deviated from. Maybe that’s why I never seemed to manifest a serious disease in my body.
My healthy disciplines proved to be a buffer against disease. It counteracted the effects of my stress and anxiety. I also was an avid reader of metaphysical books which kept me afloat. Thank God for the reprieve that the books, exercise and healthy living provided. Otherwise; I would probably not be here with you today. It kept me alive.
The harder I tried to do it all; the further away I was from succeeding. I heard often how you should try harder and push for what you wanted. I took the advice of many who said that it was the way to get what you wanted. For me it wasn’t working. The harder I pushed, forced and worked; the more stuck I became. I found myself just trying to survive! I was living in survival mode! I was accomplishing very little. I wasn’t living fully. I was just trying to play catchup with my goals.
I could always be found writing, and coaching my friends and family members naturally. Without trying to, I’d help them with their problems. I was good at helping them; but wasn’t able to help myself much. Anxiety was ruining my life. My intentions to get things done, were taking over by anxiety.
I learned there are universal Laws that govern creation. These laws correlated with The Law of Attraction. I was “Going against the Grain.” I was causing resistance. I was on the wrong channel of my life. I was focused on what I didn’t want. My anxiety was indicative that I wasn’t “allowing” what I wanted. It was proof that I wasn’t a match for what I wanted. My mind, my body and my soul were divided. There were parts of me that were on the right page with what I wanted, while the other parts of me were opposed to it.
It was this constant dichotomy, that revealed the dominant parts that were winning. They were the loudest parts of me. No wonder why I was stuck! The majority was ruling me. There was no congruency within me. I was divided. This calls to mind a Biblical scripture: James 1:8 “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways”
What an appropriate scripture to explain my dilemma. I was all over the place and wishy washy. I procrastinated, while saying one thing but doing another. I was always making mental excuses and pardons for myself. I told myself because of the outer circumstances of my life I had justifications. I had reasons for blaming it on my life situations.
I was always finding a way out of sticking to what I intended. It’s not that I wasn’t productive; for I worked very hard. I just didn’t follow through things to the end. Something was holding me back and softening my resolve. I came to realize that it was the things hidden in my Subconscious Mind.
When I was following intending to finish things; I was whipped with anxiety. It won the fight most times because it robbed me of energy. It took away the presence of mind to complete my tasks. What a mess I was!
It’s as if a part of me was sabotaging my efforts. Even when I tried really hard to change this habit; I wasn’t able to quell it. I wanted to accomplish and complete things. I wanted to finish things really bad. Most things were just right before the finish line–but I couldn’t cross them over the line. I would push and force my efforts, but to no avail. It was a nightmare! Can you imagine wanting something so bad, but not being able to get it done?
This caused me even more anxiety. I was on an emotional roller coaster. I couldn’t break free from it. This went on for years, the forcing, pushing, aspiring to, working on multiple projects all at once. The major distraction for me was; I was just trying to survive the next moment. To reiterate: I hated my life, my job, and was unhappily married. I was contradicting myself.
What am I saying here? There were parts of my mind that didn’t agree that I could have what I wanted. Those parts were the dominant parts of me. The two perspectives, of the whole of me– caused me much grief. Topping it all off; I was choosing to sleep only 5 hours a night. As such; I was emotionally and physically exhausted. For twenty years I lived like that. Depriving myself of rest; believing it would help me catch up. However; I was still pushing and forcing things.
Up until that point I was confused. I didn’t know that I was stopping myself. I thought some outside force was responsible for my issues. As if I was being punished for something, or blocked by God. Like I had a curse on me.
One day I woke up and realized what was happening. I learned that I had to get all parts of me to agree on what I wanted. I had to get them all on the same page. This is called “alignment.” When all parts of you are in accord, with a common goal you are aligned. The question was: How could I get all parts of me to agree?
I asked the question and the answer appeared. I had some help figuring it out. I was reading a book by Jack Canfield called; “The Success Principles, How to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You want to Be.” In the book Jack Canfield’s mentor Clement Stone told him he wouldn’t work with him unless he took 100 percent responsibility.
That was it! It hit me like a ton of bricks. Take 100% responsibility for everything in my life. It was a good start, but how could I deal with the parts of me that weren’t in agreement? Then it occurred to me that I had to change my focus. I had to put my focus on what I wanted, instead of what I didn’t want. It worked for a while, I had long periods free of anxiety and stress. Then the inner conflicts and emotional, monstrous tirades returned!
Taking responsibility wasn’t enough to keep me stable. It was not until I found out how The Law of Attraction worked, that I finally got it. I found out that as long as I was focusing on what I didn’t want–it was keeping me with what I didn’t want. Also that; I would never accomplish what I wanted if energetically I was on the wrong channel.
To get what I wanted I had to be on the right channel. I had to make sure my mind, my body and my soul were on the same page. What I learned is that; “We don’t get what we want; we get what we are.” This meant I had to become a new person. I had to think differently. After reading about the benefits of meditation and other tools–I decided to grab the Bull by the Horn. I practiced the tools of consistent–daily meditation, visualization, written affirmations, and keeping a daily Gratitude journal.
This proved to be highly effective. It gradually began to change my beliefs, the parts of me that were out of alignment. Eventually the anxiety and stress dissipated all together. That was 4 years ago to the date of this writing.
Just recognizing that I was cutting myself off from what I wanted was enough. It gave me a new approach and directive. I was tired of cutting myself off. Having anxiety and stress meant that I was. It’s been 4 years since I’ve had an attack of anxiety or stress. My life has changed completely for the better. I’m accomplishing great things with ease now. Life is a whole lot easier since I decide to practice daily rituals.
What changed? My thinking, my focus and my daily practices. I went to war with getting the armor that I needed. It protected me against the onslaught of anxiety and stress. It gave me a new focus and put me on the channel of what I wanted.
A morning and daily ritual using the tools of the latter; immunized me against anxiety. The key is “consistency.” I had to be consistent in my practices to see a difference. Once I got there; the parts of me that were out of agreement began to comply. They began following suit, with the growing dominant parts of me. All parts of me were finally agreeing. They were believing that I could have what I wanted.
It’s all about congruency, which is Alignment. It’s what was missing in my life. When I found out that my anxiety was stopping me from getting what I wanted–it was all I needed to know. I started taking responsibility, practicing daily rituals, and changing my energetic patterns and frequencies.
“Everything is energy!” It’s what I learned about with The Law of Attraction. “We create our own reality.” These are immutable laws that govern creation. They are universal laws. Regardless to our ignorance of them; they work the same all the time. Ignorant or not; we are responsible for our lives!
Hopefully you have learned from my experience; and nip anxiety and stress in the bud. You don’t have to suffer the way that I did. You truly can beat it once and for all! With daily morning rituals mentioned above; I was able to overcome anxiety. I was able to get in the drivers seat of my life–and govern my life according to my intentions. The beast of anxiety; no longer had me as a prisoner. It’s my intention that after reading this, it won’t have you either.
Through dedicated, daily rituals; you can gain control of your mind. You can find the alignment that’s needed. You can get all the parts of you on the same page. You can make them agree with all that you desire to accomplish. You will go from being a victim of anxiety to a victor.
*FOR QUESTIONS, COMMENTS OR FOR ONE-ON-ONE OR GROUP COACHING, REACH ME AT firstname.lastname@example.org for FREE COACHING, EMAIL ME
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Thank you Kindly for taking the time to read these words. Peace & Blessings.
I would be remiss if i didn’t speak to this dilemma we’re facing today with the “Corona Virus.” What does it all mean? What’s it leading to? What can we do to stay strong mentally? What perspective should we have regarding it all? What should we expect it to do to us individually; and collectively?
The new moon in Virgo ushered in on September 9, 2018. It signaled the changes occurring in us; as well as on the earth.
When things go wrong most people wonder why. They ask themselves: What’s it all for? You lose your job, someone close to you dies. A relationship ends, you lose your home, your health seems to be failing, you may lose money…The question to ponder over is: Where’s it all leading to? “When things fall apart” is taken from a conversation I was having with a friend yesterday at the gym. He asked me a question: He said, “Is anything really solidified?” His question was in reference to being layed off from his job and life in general. I responded by saying, “Actually nothing is. That’s the beauty of life. The uncertainty is what keeps it interesting. What did I mean? In uncertainty we grow. In comfort we stagnate. The only thing that’s concrete, and always guaranteed in life is “change.”
It’s the one thing that you can bet on. I also said there’s a force or forces that govern the universe that operates above and beyond us. We can do all that we can to plan our lives, we can do all we can to fix things or control things, but our power is limited. He said: “Yes but we do have freedom of choice.” I said, “Yes free will helps, but these forces that compel us to grow are the best of planners. We may have something in mind for ourselves and believe we know the way. We may believe we know what’s best for us, but the forces that govern creation has something better in mind. It doesn’t mean that we will live in a rose garden which is what most of us desire to live in, but it means that each and everyone of us are given what we need to grow.
When things fall apart it means that things are really just falling into place. Things are shifting to where they should be. The forces of change are stepping in to assist you. When this happens it doesn’t always look pretty. Something has to be agitated, upset, the balance has to be disrupted in order for change to come. Our comfort zones have to be shaken up. It all part of it. Sometimes the scales of life have to go unbalanced in order for things to be balanced. In order for this to happen something has to first die before something new to come into fruition.
Imagine a world where nothing changed and everything stayed the same? We would be bored to death because there would be nothing to challenge us. “All things are in divine order,” is a statement I love to quote. It’s another way of saying that everything is just what it should be. When you think about it, “when things fall apart” carries a negative connotative energy because it assumes that something is coming apart.